BECOMING A DROPOUT - WORTH IT?

Graduating from the university was the best thing that happened to me last year. Not particularly because I get to have an LLB degree, but because it’s over and I’m free.

After secondary school, I wanted to take a year break to figure out what I wanted to help guide my choice of discipline but my parents insisted I take the opportunity right in front of me.
I remember being stuck at a hotel then preparing for a debate tournament so I had a friend do the entire registration for me. A few months later I was admitted into my state university to study Law. Unlike my colleagues then who were excited about being in the university, I was mostly indifferent.
I liked the idea of life at a university but I wasn’t thrilled about starting the Law undergraduate programme. I had a hard time adjusting to the new school system and getting my head in the game. My grades were quite poor in the first year, mostly because I had lots of distraction which I created to drown the pressure of keeping up with school. School and academic activities brought me zero joy.

At the end of 300 level I decided I was done with the madness and dropped out. I left school without telling my folks, not even my friends, I just disappeared on everyone. I was in a dark place and didn’t want to try anymore. The educational system in Nigeria wasn’t helpful either.
It wasn’t an easy decision as I was worried about letting my loved ones down. My parents worked hard to ensure I had everything I needed so it hurt to throw it all away.
I retreated, moved houses and spent my days reading books, drinking wine and moisturizing my skin. I also watched tons of YouTube videos of folks talking about making it without a college degree. I lacked direction and had no idea what to do with myself.

Well, I did go back to school the next year and tried to finish because I’m a fighter. After the first semester of 400 Level I lost it again and couldn’t go on. So much for a fighter. Lol.
One thing about me is I’m not afraid to fail, I’m not afraid to give up; when I’m tired I pump the brakes and allow myself time to breathe.
At this point I was just done. It was all too frustrating because I couldn’t understand why school was so damn difficult for me. I’m a natural, brilliant and book - smart(if I do say so myself) so my poor performance in school was all too confusing.
I decided to live a little; I traveled to a few places, learnt a skill, even started a small business.
This second break brought me some clarity, I came to understand that it wasn’t all about school and my poor grades. There were trauma, pain and experiences holding me back. I then began my healing process, started letting go of everything and everyone that weren’t serving my good. I became more self aware, embarked on a spiritual path learnt to love all of myself.

A photo from one of my trips with my friends.

Eventually, my family became aware of my withdrawal from school encouraged me to go back and try to finish. I did go back, not because I was advised to but because I decided I was ready. I was in a better place mentally, I was interested in knowing what my future held, I wanted to push my bounds and see all the things I could accomplish.

I finally did and I must tell you, it feels great. It took a lot of strength and mental gymnastics but I got to the finish line and I’m really proud of myself.
It wasn’t easy watching my colleagues whom I started the journey with move through school, graduate and move on to Law school, but what kept me going was knowing I wasn’t the same as them, our stories and journeys didn’t have to sync. I was on a different path, my own path and that’s okay.
I’ve since learned that I don’t fare well with pressure. I like to pace myself and move to my own rhythm.