AMOR DE PAREJA: es posible mantenerlo al pasar de los años. // COUPLE LOVE: it is possible to maintain it over the years.[ESP- ENG]

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✅Comunicación.

Desde que se empieza la relación de parejas cuando se es novios, es fundamental la buena comunicación. Hablar de los gustos, lo que nos desagrada, las metas y expectativas sobre el futuro de la relación. Luego durante el matrimonio es esencial este factor, pues determinará lo que esperamos que responda la pareja, de acuerdo a lo que queremos o no. Por ejemplo, en esos días de la menstruación que a las mujeres nos vuelven locas las hormonas tendemos a estar molestas sin razón, y puede que lo que haga el otro nos disguste mucho. Si no hablamos, la pareja va hacer lo que él cree que nos gusta y no es así, allí se desatará de seguro un disgusto y distanciamiento. Con uno decir: " no me agrada que hagas o digas esto, sobre todo cuando estoy en este periodo", eso basta para que el otro entienda y estemos en paz. El amor impulsará las buenas conversaciones, con sentido y acuerdo durante el día.

El amor hace que lo que nos preocupa lo conversemos y juntos busquemos solución, no tragarnos todo y que eso afecte al otro sin que sepa porque estamos así. Cuando somos sinceros al hablar, sin ser duros o golpear con las palabras, puede hacer que nuestra pareja nos entienda mejor y así haya compresión y apoyo de la otra parte... eso lo logra si amamos. Del resto, no nos importará la opinión de la pareja sino solo la nuestra y eso es destructivo para la relación. También saber escuchar cuando nos toque hacerlo, mostrar consideración al no usar ningún dispositivo electrónico cuando la pareja nos habla, estar atento a su rostro y gestos, eso es muestra de amor y es valioso. Y más importante aún para nosotras las mujeres, que nos gusta que nos escuchen aunque sea sin que el otro diga una palabra, pues lo que deseamos es desahogarnos, jajaja.

✅Respeto y Confianza.

Estos factores o cualidades pueden hacer que el amor sea fuerte y que se mantenga. Cuando por acciones y palabras demostramos respeto hacia la dignidad personal de la pareja, esto hace que nos ganemos ese mismo respeto y que tengamos su amor. Para un hombre ser un buen esposo, espera que lo respetemos, cuando habla, cuando toma decisiones para el bien de la familia y cuando aún con debilidades y defectos no le recordamos éstas para ofenderlo. Respetamos a la pareja porque lo amamos y queremos que el trato que damos sea recíproco, pues a nadie le gusta recibir insultos o golpes, entonces no podemos dar el primer paso en esto. En ocasiones nuestra pareja está pasando por un mal momento y lo sabemos, si no respetamos eso y le damos su espacio, sino que queremos que se nos complazca en algo al instante, eso puede irritar y hacer ver qué no hay interés personal en ellos, sino solo nosotros primero, eso empuja al desamor. Decir expresiones como: "tu no sirves", "siempre eres así, no mejoras", "no me importa lo que pienses", esto acaba con el respeto y dignidad. Por eso, el respeto en todo ámbito de las relaciones personales ayuda a que el amor dure y sea verdadero.

El cuanto a la "confianza", también creo que es fundamental para que el amor de pareja se consolide. Cuando entramos en una relación de matrimonio, el ser confidentes hasta de lo más íntimo y cuidamos de no divulgarlo a otros, eso es amor. La confianza se logra con las acciones, lo que tú pareja hace por ti y tu por ella, si te cuida, te valora, te respeta, toma en cuenta tus opiniones, y sobre todo te es fiel y leal. Cuando se traiciona la confianza, en el más mínimo detalle hasta una infidelidad, el amor allí sufre y se fractura, algunas veces sin remedio. Por esto el amor de pareja logrará que resolvamos desacuerdos en privado, sin que otros se enteren, que juntos cumplan sus metas y sueños, ayudándose uno al otro a alcanzarlos y todo esto sin temor a desilusión o abandono de la pareja. Mientras más confianza, más respeto y el amor queda intacto.

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✅Lealtad y perdón.

Cuando nos casamos porque hemos encontrado al amor de nuestra vida, juramos ante Dios serles leal "hasta que la muerte nos separe". Pues en algunos casos la infidelidad hace que este voto se rompa y es lamentable. Por esto, la lealtad es indispensable para que el amor sea fuerte y se mantenga en la relación. Confiamos todo nuestro cuidado, atención y dedicación a la pareja con la exclusividad que se merece, solo pare él o ella. Cuando damos atención excesiva a alguien que no es nuestro esposo, estamos corriendo riesgo de faltar a esa promesa de lealtad. Los casos de infidelidad son las principales causas de las ruptura de los matrimonios y del amor.

Por eso la lealtad mutua es un importante detalle dentro de la relación de esposos, y para mantenerla hay que amar, sin amor como ya mencioné, no importa traicionar la confianza y el respeto. Cuando veamos que está en peligro romper ese voto de lealtad pensemos en como afectará a la pareja y al resto de la familia. Si pensamos en comparar a nuestro cónyuge con otra persona supuestamente "mejor" que él, recordar lo que nos enamoró de esa persona y nos hizo amarlo ayudará a disipar esos malos pensamientos. Recordar las cualidades positivas que tiene a pesar de ser imperfecto y lo que ha hecho por amor a nosotros en todo el tiempo en que estamos juntos, también ayudará mucho. Por eso también es de suma importancia dar atención debida a las relaciones sexuales íntimas, aunque no lo sea todo, sin embargo es un factor fundamental para que se mantenga la lealtad entre esposos. Cuando se satisfacen correctamente esos deseos y necesidades dentro del matrimonio, así estemos cansados, eso logra que el amor de la pareja se fortalezca y se este contento y satisfecho, de tal manera que lo que necesitamos nuestro cónyuge no los da, sin buscar por otros lados.

Aunque este es un tema profundo y muy personal, es fundamental. Si hay problemas por el tema de la intimidad se debe hablar de eso, ser sinceros, expresar lo que sentimos sin insultar, pensar en el bienestar de la pareja y si es necesario buscar ayuda profesional. Si se demuestra amor en la intimidad, de seguro fortalecerá el deseo de mantenerse leales a la persona que "decidimos" y "escogimos" para unirnos a ellos para toda la vida. Con esto, queda clara la importancia de la lealtad para que el amor crezca y mantenga unida a la pareja.

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Hablando del perdón, sin amor este no es posible y sin perdón no se puede mantener la unión de la pareja. Hasta qué grado lo demostramos?...al grado del tamaño de nuestro amor. Si nuestro amor es escaso así será el perdón y con esto no habrá nada que la pareja haga que nos guste, y veremos "todas" sus imperfecciones. También al grado que demostremos amor y perdón a ese grado no los demostrará nuestro cónyuge. Así que, no hay matrimonio que dure si no hay perdón, y para que este sea posible, se debe ser humilde, reconocer que no somos perfectos.

Cuando somos humildes no nos exigiremos a nosotros mismos lo que no está a nuestro alcance, ni seremos exigentes con la pareja tampoco. El amor en este campo hará que seamos razonables, podamos ceder y perdonar sinceramente. Además, es necesario que tomemos en cuenta que el perdón una vez que lo concedemos debe ser sin reproches diarios, sin amenazas, y menos sometimiento, pues esto acabaría con el respeto, la confianza y el amor.

Hay otros factores que hacen que el amor en los matrimonios sea verdadero y duradero, pero en un futuro artículo les comentaré más. Espero que el punto de vista y la poca experiencia del amor de pareja que les muestro aquí les sean de su agrado. De seguro coincidimos en algunos puntos, jajaja. Con gusto me agradará ver la opinión de otros a través de esta iniciativa de la comunidad por este mes. Hasta otra oportunidad.

English version: // Versión en inglés:

Greetings to all those who enjoy the love of a couple at this time and come to read or share their experiences here. Love as we all know and understand is a quality that we reflect or imitate from our creator, because he is a God who "is love". However, although we can imitate him and to a certain extent the inclination is to love, this quality must be cultivated and maintained. We should not only show love to our family, children, friends, partners, but to everyone in general who needs kindness, affection and generosity at some point in their lives, even to those who do not love us very much, hahaha. It can be said that since we came into the world, we receive so much love from our parents that it marks us for life. In the end, when we form our own family, we have an idea of what it means to love, but we have to put in place certain aspects necessary for that love to remain intact and to unite us until the end of our lives.

For this reason, when we get married, the first person we show love to is our partner or spouse. At the beginning of this relationship there is physical attraction, sexual attraction and emotion for what makes us feel love, and this is true that it lasts for a while, but it is not for life. Love can end within marriage, as some would say, but I think it is carelessness, and even showing a certain degree of apathy, that makes it die. But in my personal experience, while respecting the thoughts and feelings of other couples, there are fundamental things that must be taken into account as couples for love to be the source of permanent union. Imagine that my parents have been married for more than 50 years, a tremendous example for me, and I have a little more than 20 years of happy marriage, thanks to God, because you have to make a lot of effort. Now, what is the formula for permanence in marriage?...love for God and love for one's spouse.

The key is always love, because through love we please the other with our actions, we forgive them and vice versa, we take care of them if they get sick, we love their relatives, their friends, we support them in their goals and dreams, we share intimate moments with satisfaction, there is support in bad times and we even learn to express ourselves so as not to offend. Without love, none of the above is possible, and there the relationship will become routine, boring and even of dislike or detachment for the partner, which would lead to a breakup. For this reason, I believe that the following aspects or qualities are important to maintain the love that at the beginning unites us to the partner we choose for life.

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✅Communication.

Since the beginning of the relationship when you are dating, good communication is essential. Talking about likes, dislikes, goals and expectations about the future of the relationship. Then during the marriage this factor is essential, because it will determine what we expect the couple to respond, according to what we want or not. For example, in those days of menstruation when women's hormones drive us crazy, we tend to be upset for no reason, and what the other person does may upset us a lot. If we do not talk, the partner will do what he thinks we like and it is not so, there will surely unleash a dislike and estrangement. If we say: "I do not like you to do or say this, especially when I am in this period", that is enough for the other to understand and we will be in peace. Love will encourage good conversations, with sense and agreement during the day.

Love makes us talk about what worries us and together we look for a solution, not swallowing everything and that affects the other without knowing why we are like this. When we are sincere in speaking, without being harsh or hitting with words, it can make our partner understand us better and thus there is understanding and support from the other party ... this is achieved if we love. Otherwise, we will not care about our partner's opinion but only our own and that is destructive to the relationship. Also to know how to listen when it is our turn to listen, to show consideration by not using any electronic device when the partner talks to us, to be attentive to his face and gestures, that is a sign of love and it is valuable. And even more important for us women, who like to be listened to even if it is without the other saying a word, because what we want is to vent, hahaha.

✅ Respect and Trust.

These factors or qualities can make love strong and keep it going. When by actions and words we show respect towards our partner's personal dignity, this makes us earn that same respect and have their love. For a man to be a good husband, he expects us to respect him, when he speaks, when he makes decisions for the good of the family and when even with weaknesses and defects we do not remind him of these to offend him. We respect our partner because we love him and we want the treatment we give to be reciprocal, because no one likes to receive insults or blows, so we can not take the first step in this. Sometimes our partner is going through a bad time and we know it, if we do not respect that and give them their space, but we want them to please us in something instantly, that can irritate and make them see that there is no personal interest in them, but only us first, that pushes to lovelessness. Saying expressions such as: "you are no good", "you are always like that, you don't improve", "I don't care what you think", this destroys respect and dignity. Therefore, respect in all areas of personal relationships helps love to last and be true.

As for "trust", I also believe that it is fundamental for a couple's love to consolidate. When we enter into a marriage relationship, to be confident even of the most intimate and take care not to disclose it to others, that is love. Trust is achieved with actions, what your partner does for you and what you do for her, if she cares for you, values you, respects you, takes your opinions into account, and above all is faithful and loyal to you. When trust is betrayed, in the smallest detail, even an infidelity, love suffers and fractures, sometimes without remedy. For this reason, the love of a couple will make it possible to resolve disagreements in private, without others finding out, to fulfill your goals and dreams together, helping each other to achieve them and all this without fear of disappointment or abandonment of the couple. The more trust, the more respect and love remains intact.

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✅Loyalty and forgiveness.

When we marry because we have found the love of our life, we swear before God to be loyal to them "until death do us part". For in some cases infidelity causes this vow to be broken and it is regrettable. For this reason, loyalty is indispensable for love to be strong and to be maintained in the relationship. We entrust all our care, attention and dedication to our partner with the exclusivity he or she deserves, only for him or her. When we give excessive attention to someone who is not our spouse, we are running the risk of breaking that promise of loyalty. Cases of infidelity are the main causes of the breakdown of marriages and love.

That is why mutual loyalty is an important detail within the spousal relationship, and to maintain it we must love, without love as I mentioned, it does not matter to betray trust and respect. When we see that we are in danger of breaking that vow of loyalty, let's think about how it will affect the couple and the rest of the family. If we think of comparing our spouse with another person supposedly "better" than him/her, remembering what made us fall in love with that person and made us love him/her will help dispel those bad thoughts. Remembering the positive qualities he has despite being imperfect and what he has done out of love for us throughout our time together will also help a lot. That is why it is also of utmost importance to give due attention to intimate sexual relations, although it is not everything, nevertheless it is a fundamental factor for the loyalty between spouses to be maintained. When those desires and needs are properly satisfied within the marriage, even if we are tired, that makes the love of the couple is strengthened and is happy and satisfied, so that what we need our spouse does not give them, without looking elsewhere.

Although this is a deep and very personal issue, it is fundamental. If there are problems with intimacy, we should talk about it, be sincere, express what we feel without insulting, think about the well-being of the couple and if necessary seek professional help. If love is shown in intimacy, it will surely strengthen the desire to remain loyal to the person we "decided" and "chose" to join them for life. With this, it is clear the importance of loyalty for love to grow and keep the couple together.

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Speaking of forgiveness, without love it is not possible and without forgiveness the union of the couple cannot be maintained. To what degree do we show it?...to the degree of the size of our love. If our love is scarce so will be the forgiveness and with this there will be nothing that the couple does that we like, and we will see "all" their imperfections. Also to the degree that we show love and forgiveness to that degree our spouse will not show it. So, there is no marriage that will last if there is no forgiveness, and for this to be possible, we must be humble, recognizing that we are not perfect.

When we are humble we will not demand of ourselves what is not within our reach, nor will we be demanding of our partner either. Love in this area will make us reasonable, able to give in and forgive sincerely. In addition, it is necessary that we take into account that forgiveness, once we grant it, must be without daily reproaches, without threats, and less subjugation, because this would end with respect, trust and love.

There are other factors that make love in marriages true and lasting, but in a future article I will tell you more. I hope that the point of view and the little experience of love as a couple that I show you here will be to your liking. I'm sure we agree on some points, hahaha. I will be glad to see the opinion of others through this community initiative for this month. Until another opportunity.

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