TALKING WITH EXPERIENCED PARENTS CAN HELP IMPROVE PARENTING SKILLS

There can be the World's best parent but I doubt if there can ever be the World's most perfect parent. We are all learning, and as such we become interested in things that can help us improve in our parenting skills.

I found that listening to parents who are far more experienced in parenting can help in caring for children. Below are the tips I got from advanced couples earlier in my marriage especially when I started raising kids and I use them and still advocate them.

TEACH YOUR CHILDREN WHAT YOU WANT THEM TO BE.

Yes, you obviously want them to grow to become responsible adults, teach them to be responsible now. You want them to be God-fearing later, teach them now the fear of God. Also, you do not want them to be lazy youths later? Then engage them now. They have daily chores at home, let them do it. If not done, reprimand them and instruct them again to go and do it.

This reminds me of a mother who resumes School with us every day for almost two months. She was even a nursing mother, but as she brings her children to School, she stays back in one of our laboratories, waiting. Waiting for what, you may wonder. She waits for break time.

At break time, she goes to her daughter's class and collects the notebooks of the subjects done so far and goes back to the laboratory to start copying them for her child. Can you imagine?

By the time there is a long break,she repeats the same process, collecting what they had learnt for other periods. I am sure by closing time, she collects some more notebooks which were taught after long break to copy at home. I know she may looking out for her daughter, but is that proper? Her daughter was not in a primary School but Secondary . How is that child being taught to take up challenges and be responsible and accountable?.

CORRECT YOUR CHILDREN.
Some people in Nigeria believe that you alone can carry your child in the womb but when born, everyone can contribute to the training. However, some others are mad to see you correct their child. They are ready to insult you or reprimand you for reprimanding their child 😅. No wonder a parent came to a School in Delta State to retaliate the punishment given to his child and in the process, killed the teacher. You can Google it. That is why they are children, they will always make mistakes. We need not leave them to be spoilt or become over indulgent, they are the future of tomorrow, correct them. If need be, teach them object lessons, not just giving strokes of the cane all the time.

GOOD COMMUNICATION IS NECESSARY
In some homes, children are not given the freedom to speak their minds to their parents. Some parents make themselves unapproachable, rigid and mean to their children. They claim that is good training; it is a way for the children to fear them.

I advocate good communication. Just as it is very important in a marriage relationship, it is also very crucial in parent/children relationship. Make yourself available for the kids and allow them express their concerns, their fears, their challenges from School and others. If there is a good communication flow, the children will feel safe, no matter what they hear outside the home, they are willing to come home, talk about it and find Mum and Dad's view about it.

SHOW YOUR KID SO MUCH LOVE.

Love them expressly. In our culture, some parents find it hard to kiss their children, say I love you to them or show them love in other ways as much as we see in the western World.

Kids that are assured of their parents love thrive better even in School. When they fail, they know their parents won't be completely mad but appreciate their efforts and advice that they work harder. Those who are not sure of their parents love and support, they are the ones who hide scripts when they fail or become so embittered. That can lead to self withdrawal, feelings if worthlessness and can even give birth to suicide.

Show your children that you love them and befriend them. If your children see you as a close pal;
someone whom they can always confide in, that's a blessing. Show them love and be in their lives now while they are still children, when they grow older,the bond would have been stronger. Else, that's why you see some parents contesting their children's love with their school mate, friends or teachers. They begin to see their parents as strangers or those they are obligated to be with, not those they love to be with.

DO NOT JUDGE THEM.
TREAT THEIR MISTAKES WITH NO REFERENCE TO A FORMER CASE.

When a child errs, we are expected to deal with the problem on ground. Referring the child to a similar thing he has done earlier shifts the attention of the child. At that time, he may start recollecting what happened then and forget the impact of the recent offence. Again, you may be teaching your child that you are keeping account of injury, never forgiving.That will not be a good thing. Let the child know what he has done, what challenge that error can present and if he/she is going to be disciplined,nothing bad if you explain why you are punishing him/her.

DO NOT COMPARE KIDS. APPRECIATE THEIR EFFORTS

I was guilty here until the day my second girl came to me and asked " Mum why is it that if I score 20/20 you just say well done but if I get 4/20 you will say ; didn't you see Chisom, ven Precious and Miracle? They can never score this low". She asked that question and started crying. I was touched. I saw the point. It was bad enough that she failed, calling another name who I believe can never score so low was already a taunt.

I made her see that I would prefer she called it "imitate", "copy", "emulate" instead if looking at it as comparison. I gave her a story of how I took the second position in class, yet my father spanked me like I took the last position. He asked if it wasn't a human being that came first. So I explained to her that she needs to emulate good examples. While she is not in a contest with them,I would like her to develop better study habits that would help improve her grades like those mentioned. She got the point but I never mentioned any name , ever again. And since then, I deal with them without calling any other name. I knew that could lead to envy, jealousy, hatred and low self esteem( qualities I pray they never have).

So we need not compare our children with other children outside or compare then with other siblings. Each one is unique in his own way and endowed differently. They will also excel in different endeavours, it mustn't be in the say way. I learnt that already.

TEACH THEM TO PRAY
Children can be taught from childhood to have and maintain a relationship with God. Teach them about God, his qualities and his mightiness. Prayer is very important in our lives, teach them to have their own relationship with God and always turn to him when some situations seem perplexing. That way, when they grow up, they would learn to consider God's feelings on matters before they act. That can even help them cope with peer pressure to commit immorality or engage in shameful conduct.

All these tips I learnt by questioning people to know hope they are coping with today's children 😅. I believe you too can glean one or two for your kids or siblings

May our children and siblings continue to make us proud as care for them.

How about you. what is your contribution to the subject. How have you been managing your kids or siblings? Hint me in the comment section.

Thanks for stopping by. You are highly appreciated.

Yours,
@adoore-eu

All images are mine.Snapoed with my phone